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Ichi the killer review

this movie is mess up. like crazy sick man. hostel, the saws, not even fucking close to as gory and messed up as this film. what makes you no what too shut your eyes and think of pretty kittys during these kill scenes is that they are rather comical to an extent. in typical Japanese film fashion the blood squirts out everywhere, spraying out like someone had a squirt gun in there neck. this make decapitations rather cartoony and easier to swallow. but that said there are some scenes that rly make you want to grab the closest fluffy thing and hold on tight.

 this Japanese gorror fest is based off a comic book that i personally have read a little bit of but i never finished it. so i checked out the film. this movie isnt just gore, no its about sadist. a sadist is someone who gets off on mutilation. a fucked up way of getting off and our main character is in fact a sadist. no one in this film is a good guy. everyone is a killer or a sadist, its actually an interesting take on the protagonist, were used to having the hero being a good upstanding fellow. but in Ichi the killer hes the most fucked up one of all.

the movie stars the character named Ichi, he was nerd that was bullied. so became strong and some how came upon a super hero like suit with a blade on the heel of both shows. they dont explain how he got this suit but eh who cares. Ichi is being used by some father figure to take out members of the yakuza. the leader of one sertin gang kakihara is a sadist and is obsessed with torture and all the good wholesome family stuff. its actually debatable whether its kakihara is the main character rather that ichi. because it fallows him around more than ichi. i think its both of them equally which i like alot cus co-staring enemies is original, and different. but in all the story un folds nicely i most say. pretty good story.

 imagine the worst most horrable torture you could think of, then watch this movie and take solace in the fact that you are not even close to as fucked in the head as the masterminds behind this movie. now i use the would masterminds because despite all the unsettling gore its i very well put together movie. the script is good, the acting is well done, but most of all the cinematography is amazing. the shots they use are contently keeping you interested on whats going on. the use slow mo in really cool points in the film, which makes for a very cool climax. wide angle shots, down low angles. its just genius cinematography.

overall this film is sick, discusting and just plain wrong. but sometimes its good to take a walk on the dark side,  as long as you just do it by watching a movie.

Ichi the killer gets 7 pretty kittys out of 10 cuz youll need em

crank 2: high voltage review

crank 2 is one of my favorite movies. not because its smart, or even clever, but because when you watch it you get kicked straight in the balls. in a good way!! Jason Statham kicks ass in this film, brutal and violent there is even a scene were he lubes up a shotgun with oil and shoves it up a guys asshole! like what the fuck man, that kind of inventive, discussing, shocking, over the top violence is the name of the movie.

for such a ridiculous film it actually has a decent plot, its pretty original if you ask me. well crank 1 was original crank 2 just copys it but its ok cuz it is its squeal. it picks up right as the first one left off with good ol' jason falling to his death. but obviously he dosnt die, go figure, and he is taken into a black market hospital to take out his heart. they replace it with a electric temporary one. so jason has to keep it charged enof till he can get his real heart back. so your prolly asking yourself "super c in the first one jason used adrenaline as an excuse for a random public sex scene, how can they do it again?" friction! yup we get to see j-man fuckin on a horse track like all of us wanted. piontless scene you may say, well your right. but its funny as hell and totally worth the awkward half boner you get from it. plus amy hart may be in a very gratuituos sexscene but some how she can keep my respect for her from dropping. its just a funny scene and the fact that she was game for it makes me not think shes a hoe but that she just plain gets it.

the violence is amped up to the fuckin t! its awesome, theres a scene were jason blows ppl away in a strip club, a bullet actually catches a girl in the boob and her booby juice flows out. i cried... i cried hard.... her boob man! her boob! oh well thats what she gets for workin in a strip club in the naborhood were jason statham lives, cuz you know that mans gonna fuck some shit up. crank 2 is also just plain weird, but like awesome weird. theres a part were he drop kicks someones head into the ocean, but wait it gets weirder. theres a scene were he puts jump start clamps on his nipples until there chard just to charge up his heart.


 but wait!! it gets weirder! there is a scene were jason gets so juiced up on electricity the the movie turns into a godzilla like fight scene were jason turns into a latex and rubber costume of him self while he kicks ass. weird but awesome.


this movie is just plain crazy. but its fun violent and a great watch, check it out

Crank 2: High Voltage gets 8 chard nipples out of 10

machine girl review

as some of you may know i had recently fallen prey to trolls constantly commenting bullshit on my page. saying the internet's most famous joke "your gay". seriously is the internet just full of homophobic skin heads and rednecks? the only thing stopping me from thinking this is the fact that rednecks are too stupid to work a computer and skinheads are well... also too stupid to work a computer. but i digress, i have chosen to post my most liked review of the 2009 Japanese film "machine girl". 


"machine girl", oh my fucking god this movie is ridiculous! prolly by far the most retarded movie i have seen in my entire life, but at the same time its the coolest movie i have ever seen in my entire life. just try to watch this movie with a straight face, you cant fuckin do it! there is so much gore, more than i have seen in a movie, it actully discusts me a little nd that rarely happens. 


so anyways the movie was written and directed by Noboru Iguchi, and stars Minase Yashiro as Ami (machine girl). the opening of this movie sets the tone that this movie is not in any instence normal. machine girl breaks up some bullies trying to beat dude a nerd and fucking destroys them!! no you have no idea she rips thease guys apart. first using a small syth, but shortly after she puts on a giant machine gun right on her nub of an arm. and as you can imagin fucking blows guys heads off! 


well the story is pretty much thrown to the side as you can expect but its about a how ami's brother is being bullied by the son of a yakuza boss that also happens to be a ninja. wow... typing that out really makes me relize how dumb this premise really is. but the yakuza son kills her brother. and ami wants revedge, a very cliche premis but fuck it its about the action. ami trys to hunt down his brothers killers be talking to the perants of a boy she suspects may have helped in the murder. and then the weirdest scene happens. the suspected kids dad just goes fucking ape shit and tries to kill her. like what the fuck man she didnt do shit you can do that! but no thats not it, then the mom joins in and ends up burning amis arm and it ends up looking like big birds dick from sesimi street. after this ami relizes that shits goin down and starts her killing spree. killing the mom and boy she continues on to the yakuza house hold were the bully lives. she walks in on a chef being punished by making him eat his owen fingers. fucking brillent. she trys to kill the bully then ends up getting captured and her arm cut off. but she escapes and finds herself at an autobody shop were the mother of a child that was also killed by the bully. the mother trains her to fight and her husband creates a machine gun for her to use. 


well basicly ill leave it at that because i dont want to give spiolers but this movies i FUCKING retarded!. it is so so stupid it makes little to no sense and... and.... its fucking FUCKING AWESOME! its so inspired by anime but what works in anime does not work in live action when trying to be serious. but "machine girl" just says fuck it! lets make stupid poses, lets make blood stray 12 feet from the neck whole, lets make crazy wepons like chainsaw arms, a katana throwing star, gloves with guns on them, a little cage with a chain that rips peoples heads off, and my favorit the DRILL BRA! lets make ninjas in adidas track suits, and lets make a girl with a interchangeable machine gun arm kill a shit ton of bad guys! this is a bad movie. but for me its a guilty pleasure. if you like gore and can could use a laugh, see this movie!


MACHINE GIRL gets 6 drill bras out of 10